Hi! My Name's Mary Sue!"
by Lady Kat
Summary: ::klaxons go off:: WE GOT PARODY SIIIIIIIIIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Hi! My Name's Mary Sue!"

Author's notes: Do you know that one of my friends dressed up as a dead preppie for Halloween? Well, that was pointless. This is a tongue-in-cheek satire of the cliched Mary Sue's, and I'll be stuffing it down your throats. That's it. (I got this idea at about 6:15 in the morning while eating pop-tarts, so....well, I think you get it.)

Disclaimer: I don't own the Ronin Warriors. Unless of course, there's something someone's not telling me. ^_^ (I wish.)

One sunny morning, the Ronin Warriors went to school. They each went to their respective classes. Sage went to his history class. "A new student will be joining us today,"his teacher said. "Would you care to introduce yourself to the class?" A tall blonde girl stood up and walked to the front of the class. As she walked by them, every boy in the class's jaw dropped right through the floor. Needless to say(but that never stopped me before), the teacher in the classroom below theirs was very annoyed at all the jaws dropping into her class and knocking out her students. Even Sage's jaw dropped a little. It only reached the flagpole in the below classroom.

The girl reached the front of the room and pulled out a measuring tape. Putting the metal end under her foot, she pulled the top of the tape up to her height. Holding the place, she let the tape out from under her foot. She then spoke in a sickeningly sweet voice that brings to one's mind the American voice dub of Chibi-Usa.

"Mary Sue Johnson, practically perfect in every way." [1] She snapped up the tape and returned to her seat. All the boys were drooling so much that the teacher had to open the door so as not to let the class drown. 

As Mary Sue exited the first period class, boys surrounded her, asking for her phone number, house address, opinion on premarital sex, etc. Sage simply stayed behind and watched her walk down the hallway with her fanclub. He'd ask her out later, when she wasn't so surrounded.

He didn't see her again until 4th period, in art class. Unfortunately, she sat across the room from him. The art teacher asked Mary Sue to please move herself to the adjacent art room, due to the fact that all the boys' drooling was altering the paint quality. By the end of class, she already had a painting that rivaled the Mona Lisa in greatness. Sage went to his 5th and 6th period classes in the hope that she would be there. But she wasn't. He had to get to her before someone else did. He told Ryo about her in his 6th period english.

"Yeah..I *heard*.....about her.....from...Cye," Ryo said in a voice that put one in mind of William Shatner. "Supposedly, she's.....turned *down*....every guy....who's....asked her out."

"Well, that won't happen to me. I mean,*how could* she turn *me* down?"Sage asked with an air of self-importance.

"If you.....say so."

Sage hurried to 7th period lunch. He knew if she was in it, her table would be filled up in 2 seconds flat. He walked into the cafeteria and saw her sitting down in a booth by herself. He dashed up and just beat her newly assembled, previously mentioned fanclub to the seat. And he got rid of them with a simple death glare. Sage turned to Mary Sue. "Mind if I sit here?"

"Go ahead," Mary Sue chirped with a sweet smile. "I don't have any friends here," she pauses looking over to the group of drooling boys at adjacent tables, "just fans."

"I'll be your friend," Sage said suavely. "If you'll go out with me."

"Oh, of course I'll go out with you!" Sage smiled and Mary Sue's fanclub's jaws dropped through the floor again. The janitors in the basement were starting to get annoyed. Mary Sue slid across the table and onto Sage. She whispered to him, "I noticed that your jaw didn't drop as far as the other's in history." Sage smiled even wider, and they were about to kiss as the bell rang. "That's okay,"she said in that sickening voice. "You can walk me to music class." And so they walked to music class. Sage carried Mary Sue's books(which were quite a few) plus his own, so he was stumbling down the hallway pretty badly.

When they were in music class, it turned out that could she not only play the flute, piano, violin, drums, clarinet, french horn, oboe, viola, bass violin, bongos, triangle, trumpet, trombone, and tuba; but she could could play them all at the same time as well, therefore successfully making her the first *real* one-woman orchestra. After performing 3 of Beethoven's symphonies, 2 of Mozart's requiems, and a little Bach, 2 things happened. 1) The principal made an announcement that due to excessive flooding, or rather, drooling, the school would be closed tomorrow. 2) The school had a rash outbreak of Dynasty soldiers. Students were disappearing left and right. And the soldiers popped up out of the ground. Like daisies![2] Or big cardboard cut-outs, whatever. Sage got into his sub-armor. He managed to grab Mary Sue and get her out of the building before she was hurt.

"Sage! What's going on?"

"It's a long story, Mary Sue."

"I got time."

"Well....." And so, Sage proceeded to tell Mary Sue everything, despite the fact that the Dynasty soldiers had just kidnapped the other four Ronin Warriors. Suddenly, as Sage ended his story, they were surrounded by the hostile soldiers. "Oh dang. While I was telling you all that, we lost."

"That's not good, right?"

"Nope."

"Now might not be the best time to ask, but what's this thing?" She held out one of those things that the Ronins use to transform. "I've had it forever."

"Mary Sue!"Sage gasped. "You're a Ronin Warrior! Hurry, transform!"

"But I don't have a transformation phrase."

"Make one up!" Sage got into his armor and held off as many soldiers as he could.

"Um, how about 'Moon Prism Power, Makeup'? No, what about 'You know you want me baby!'?"

"Mary Sue!" Sage was being buried by all the soldiers.

"I got it! Sickeningly Perfect Power!" And Mary Sue was engulfed in flower petals and then reappeared in dark pink armor. "Flower Power!"she yelled and threw a crysanthemum at the ever-increasing horde of Dynasty soldiers. They were immediately killed and Sage was freed. He got up with Mary Sue's help, and congratulated her.

"I've never seen *anyone* take out that many Dynasty soldiers with one attack! You must be the strongest ever!"

"C'mon, let's go kick some Dynasty honeybuns!!"[3] And so the two of them enter the Dynasty gates, and fight their way up to Talpa's castle.

"Dark Warlords, go defeat them!"Talpa roared angrily.

"But Master Talpa, that girl wears the Armor of the Perennial Crysanthemum, the strongest and most feared armor ever!"Sekhmet protested.

"We won't stand a chance!"said Dais fearfully.

"Cowards!"yelled Talpa. "What about you Cale?"

"With all due respect, I agree with Sekhmet and Dais."

"AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! Fine then, I will dispose of them myself!" Talpa disappears.

"He'll be sorry,"Kayura said in a sing-song voice. The Warlords all nodded solemnly.

Talpa reappeared in front of Mary Sue and Sage. "I order you to surrender or your 4 friends die!"he commanded in a booming voice.

"Never! I'll beat you, Talpa! Flower Power!!!" She threw a crysanthemum at him and Talpa yelped in pain. And she threw another and another until he cried out for mercy. "Mercy? Fine. I want you to apologize to the Ronin Warriors now!"

"But I don't....."

"Do it!!!!!" She raised another flower threateningly.

Talpa returned the other four Warriors so they were standing next to Sage. "Sorry Ronin Warriors."

"Now apologize to the world!"

"Sorry world."

"Now I want you to go back to the Netherworld and *think* about what you've done!!"

"Yes, ma'am." Talpa sulked all the way back to the Netherrealm, taking his evil shadow of darkness with him. Later, all of them were at Mia's house, talking about, well....Mary Sue.

"You were....just awesome....Mary Sue."Ryo said.

"Yeah, totally,"commented Cye who was attempting to cook a brick. Kento nodded in agreement, waiting for the end result of Cye's "experiment".

Looking up from his book, Rowen added, "Your style of fighting was amazing." Sage looked at Mary Sue, who nodded. Sage then tapped a glass, making a pretty 'ping' sound to call everyone's attention to him. 

"I have an announcement to make. Mary Sue and I are getting married!" And there was much rejoicing.

~~~~Elsewhere, deep in the Netherrealm........

"I told you you'd be sorry." *THWACK* "Ow...."

"Shut up."

[1]-This is from Mary Poppins. When she first goes to the children, she measures her height with the measuring tape, and instead of a height, it reads, "Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way."

[2]-Reference to a line Mushu has in Mulan. His exact words were, "Did you see those Huns? They popped out of the snow! Like daisies!!!"

[3]-Another one of Mushu's lines. He really just said that line, only without the 'Dynasty' part.

*Okay, that's it!!! I'll have you all know that writing something like this takes mad skill..........*cough*. Anyway. I actually had a field day with this one. It was really fun to write, and I hope you all enjoyed it. And I don't know where that whole 'Ryo talking like William Shatner' thing came from. I told you, it was 6:15 and I was eating pop-tarts. So please review! Ja ne!!*


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